Halloween 2020: Use this Candy Cannon to hand out candy safely

You could either join all the mouth breathers trying to figure out how to disseminate candy safely this year or you could get with the program and buy this candy cannon.

And if you have a dog, bonus. Because it’s not actually a candy cannon: it’s a $20 dog tennis ball blaster from Nerf.

Now, I’ve tested this thing with various types of candy. Good candy. Like, name brand candy. Don’t be a cheapskate. Don’t be that house in the neighborhood. Here’s what works well.

Fun-size Snickers: great. Fun-size Milky-Way: also great. M&Ms: very cool if they come out right. Like some sort of majestic helicopter blade that melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

Kit Kat. Not good. Not good at all. Do not – I repeat – do not shoot Kit Kat’s out of this thing. They’re fragile. What should do with Kit Kats? Set them aside and shove them down your gullet on November 1st like a normal person. Kit Kats are delicious. Keep them for yourself.

The Candy Cannon – er, Nerf Tennis Ball Blaster – costs $20. You can buy it here.